A founding member (FM) of Slackass, Inc. (SAI)recently decided to treat his lovely wife (FMW) to a dinner of fish and chips at a local diner which had become one of his favorites. It met standards he applies to most public eating places, i.e., large “inexpensive” portions. Jumping Jack’s Fish ‘N Chips the FM explained “has always been right at the top of my food chain, but not now!”
Following a sumptuous meal of unknown type of fried fish and a wheel-barrow load of fries a cheerful waitress dropped off the $19.95 check and said, as all table servers do, “I’ll pick that up when you are ready.” FM felt for his wallet in his back pocket, but butt was all he felt. (He carries a wallet the size of a Norman brick… it’s no wonder he has to have a Sleep Number of 41 because of back pain. He always sits sideways on that big wallet.)
FM said to his wife, FMW, “Honey, I must have left my wallet at home so let me borrow your card to pay for this.” FMW replied “How could you lose that wallet . . . it’s bigger than a Norman brick and besides I left my pocketbook at home since you said you were buying!” Thus the drama and dilemma began.
The waitress called the manager who said that he would need some collateral for the $19.95. FM said he would not leave his watch and FMW said she would not leave a piece of her jewelry. FM said “What do you want me to do, leave my wife?” the manager said that would do. and so it was. FM left his wife alone at the table while he drove his Cadillac SUV home to get the $19.95.
While waiting, FMW was given some water but no crayons nor other amusements. One hour later FM arrived, paid the check and declared that this was the last time he’d set foot in Jumping Jacks! He informed the manager that he (FM) had enough money to buy the diner and fire him…the manager told him the place was for sale for the right price.
FM’s friends have made comments along the lines of FM staying as collateral, but he wasn’t as pretty as his wife, therefore not worth as much… and the big wallet is hard to miss, so why not attach it to one of those big chains bikers wear and then he’d almost have to forget his pants to forget his wallet. These and other remarks were met with derision and some hostility from FM.